


sky full of stars

by PuggleFiclets (pugglemuggle)



Series: Pugglemuggle's SASO 2017 Fills [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Introspection, M/M, POV Second Person, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 12:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12254781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pugglemuggle/pseuds/PuggleFiclets
Summary: The question begins to seep into idle thought, like an optometrist offering you lenses—which one is clearer? This one or this one? Do you love him like this, or like this? A friend or something more?You have no idea.





	sky full of stars

**Author's Note:**

> originally written for SASO 2017 [here](https://sportsanime.dreamwidth.org/22341.html?thread=13440837#cmt13440837) using this playlist prompt:
> 
> the theory of relativity - stars  
> miserable - tokyo police club
> 
> this was my first tsukkiyama fic. enjoy!

Do you love him?

The question begins to seep into idle thought, like an optometrist offering you lenses—which one is clearer? This one or this one? Do you love him like this, or like this? A friend or something more? You have no idea. Your feelings seem too distant to tease out into one category or another. You were never good at emotions—that was always Yamaguchi’s specialty.

This is what you do know:

When you see him in the morning after an overnight practice camp, his eyes sleepy and his hair a ridiculous mess, you have to resist the urge to reach out and touch. You want to run your fingers through his dark bedhead, smooth down the hair around his forehead and flatten the errant strands that stick up further back. You never do. You’re too lost contemplating what the urge means to act on it.

You eat lunch with him every day. It’s a routine by now, one you’ve followed since you met, one you’re both well used to. It’s always just the two of you. You don’t mind this, except on the days when Yamaguchi stays home sick, and then you’re struck headlong with how undeniably indispensable Yamaguchi is in your life. Without Yamaguchi there, the routine dissolves. You could sit at the usual place and eat by yourself, but—no. _Look at the boy with only one friend,_ they’d say. _He doesn’t have anyone else—pathetic._ You move to eat by yourself out in the courtyard, out of the way where people won’t see. It feels too much like hiding.

You’ve thought about kissing him before. In your most introspective moments, alone at home without the expectations that come with a reputation, you’ve thought about what love must feel like, and intimacy. You’ve wondered whether you’ll ever feel the itch to initiate it. If so, with who? Yamaguchi is your friend—would you enjoy kissing him? In the theater of your mind, you imagine pressing your lips against his, holding him close with hands around his waist, but the image vanishes almost as soon as you conjure it up. It’s too embarrassing. You’re left feeling even more confused than you were when you started.

More than a few times, his smile has made you lose your train of thought entirely. “Nice serve,” you murmur as you pass him the ball during practice, and the brilliance of the grin he beams your way is enough to dazzle you completely. _“Don’t stare into the sun,”_ your brother told you, but Yamaguchi isn’t the sun—he’s the stars, a constellation of a hundred suns far enough away to trick you into thinking you’re safe. You do stare. When Yamaguchi smiles like that, you’re blind to anything else.

Lens one, lens two—which is clearer? The longer you look, the further you get from an answer. Do you love him? It’s hard to tell. In the meantime, though, you’ll stay by his side, and he’ll stay by yours. If your hand itches for his… well. He never has to know.


End file.
